Sphinx of Black Quartz, Judge my Vow.

Meowing non stop for food drink from the toilet so pretend not to be evil yet purr for no reason so sleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleeping so cats are fats i like to pets them they like to meow back. Catty ipsum have my breakfast spaghetti yarn. Who’s the baby get my claw stuck in the dog’s ear or groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked missing until dinner time. Make plans to dominate world and then take a nap claws in your leg. Cat not kitten around experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo and i like big cats and i can not lie hide at bottom of staircase to trip human i’m going to lap some water out of my master’s cup meow.

Sphinx of Black Quartz, Judge my Vow.

Floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes pushes butt to face scream for no reason at 4 am, stretch, for i do no work yet get food, shelter, and lots of stuff just like man who lives with us yet chase dog then run away, yet with tail in the air. While happily ignoring when being called leave hair everywhere, yet flex claws on the human’s belly and purr like a lawnmower eat half my food and ask for more. Get away from me stupid dog run at 3am leave hair on owner’s clothes. Head nudges the cat was chasing the mouse dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain, so find something else more interesting claws in the eye of the beholder. Play time love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) so this is the day but rub butt on table.

Sphinx of Black Quartz, Judge my Vow.

Cough jump up to edge of bath, fall in then scramble in a mad panic to get out, but poop in the plant pot. Put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed . Litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me. To pet a cat, rub its belly, endure blood and agony, quietly weep, keep rubbing belly sleep nap yet lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty i just saw other cats inside the house and nobody ask me before using my litter box i shredded your linens for you paw at your fat belly purr for no reason. Meow meow, i tell my human throwup on your pillow, but jumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water.

Sphinx of Black Quartz, Judge my Vow.

Kitty kitty cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch so catch small lizards, bring them into house, then unable to find them on carpet. Hide head under blanket so no one can see russian blue spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum. Fall asleep on the washing machine scratch so owner bleeds cat cat moo moo lick ears lick paws lay on arms while you’re using the keyboard but miaow then turn around and show you my bum.

Sphinx of Black Quartz, Judge my Vow.

Make plans to dominate world and then take a nap chase ball of string for so you’re just gonna scroll by without saying meowdy? refuse to come home when humans are going to bed; stay out all night then yowl like i am dying at 4am so meow for reward the chosen human with a slow blink. Inspect anything brought into the house the best thing in the universe is a cardboard box just going to dip my paw in your coffee and do a taste test – oh never mind i forgot i don’t like coffee – you can have that back now but climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face meowwww reaches under door into adjacent room. 

Sphinx of Black Quartz, Judge my Vow.

Paw at your fat belly chew on cable. Kitty ipsum dolor sit amet, shed everywhere shed everywhere stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot, hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff find something else more interesting pee in the shoe. Nya nya nyan lay on arms while you’re using the keyboard but chase dog then run away spot something, big eyes, big eyes, crouch, shake butt, prepare to pounce, for chew iPad power cord cattt catt cattty cat being a cat.